Pilihan dan Penyesalan

Hidup memang sulit.
Kita selalu dihadapkan dengan pilihan.

memberi atau diberi
menyakiti atau disakiti
menyayangi atau disayangi
menghukum atau dihukum
meninggalkan atau ditinggalkan

itulah hidup.
kita harus memilih.

dengan keharusan seperti itu, kita pasti akan mengharapkan apa yang kita pilih adalah yang terbaik.
pilihan terbaik.
yah, pilihan terbaik agar tidak menyesal.

terkadang,
menentukan pilihan yang terbaik dalam hidup kita adalah hal yang teramat sulit.
kita membutuhkan waktu yang lama untuk mengambil suatu keputusan, sampai akhirnya, kita terlalu sibuk dan berpikir keras untuk menentukan pilihan itu.

padahal, hal yang sering kita lupakan ialah satu

"yang terbaik itu tak akan pernah menjadi yang terbaik jika kita masih memikirkan ada kemungkinan terbaik yang lainnya"

kita sering lupa jika sebenarnya pilihan terbaik itu ada di dalam diri kita sendiri.
kita lah yang menentukan pilihan terbaik, kita sendiri lah yang mampu membuat sesuatu yang biasa menjadi yang terbaik.

kita tidak akan pernah menemukan yang terbaik apabila kita sendiri tidak menentukan yang mana yang terbaik itu.

ketika kita memilih untuk diam, maka yakinilah itu yang terbaik.
ketika kita memilih untuk berubah, maka yakinilah juga jika itu memang yang terbaik.

hidup adalah pilihan.
pilihan itu ada pada diri kita.
hati kita.

jika kita telah menentukan pilihan, yakinilah bahwa itu yang terbaik.
dengan begitu, tak akan pernah ada kata menyesal.


first day after surgery

hi blog..
me again.
write again.
seems like writing's gonna be one of my hobbies now.

what happened today?
nothing special
going to the campus in the morning and driving awkwardly.


yep awkward
my left hand still has limited movement.
not difficult to drive blush, my beloved blue splash, but yeah... still awkward lol


may be tomorrow will be better
hopefully
aamin


*kinda tired
--dunno why--

euphoria of coming home

hello blogs.
it's 2 a.m. home
I am home
yeah, after a series of begging permission from my doc, finally I come home.
so glad, so happy.
yeah, old quote is right.
"the best place in the world is home"
the warm home

everything is going back to normal.
Today, I should join a practice about microbiology.
whoof!
kinda tired but everything's goin on and on and on
I don't wanna stop and stuck just because a small thing.
still a lot to do rather than overthinking about something not really important.
time to be more logists!

Alhamdulillah :)
Wish we have a good day.
no no no not wish but let's make a good day :)

always be grateful for what I have
Subhanallah :D

a way to have more empathy

April 2013.
Alhamdulillah, I still have time to wake up early in the morning.
Where am I?
I'm here, Flamboyan 8, PUSRI Hospital.
why am I here? yeah, great question
having diagnosed as the one who get FAM.
Fibroadenoma mammae.
what is it?
it's kind of tumor in mammae; abnormal cells growth.
what did I feel?
down of course, sad.
no other words can explain what I felt.
many things happened.
fear, problems were just coming in and wouldn't stop.
tears? so many tears down through my cheeks.
of course.
but now? no such tears falling down again.
nope. it's just enough.
surgery was done. march 30th. 4.30 till 6.30.

why do this happen to me?
let me think it's Allah's way to love me (it's better than drowning in the sadness ocean)
i'm sure He loves me a lot so He gave this.
through  FAM, now I know how does it feel when people got diagnosed having tumors or cancers.
through FAM, now I know what are the fear, the feeling of girls and women  who should show what shouldn't be shown to the opposite gender doctors.
Yeah, most surgeons and oncologists are men.

this should be underlined
should I be oncologist?
(I don't know, still long time to go to decide what doctor I wanna be)

in short, now I know how the patients feel, so that in the future when I already be a doctor, I can feel what my patients feelings and fears ;and may be now I know how to motivate and help them from the pshycological side.
Alhamdulilah ya Allah, I have more knowledge to help me to be a better person for now on and later in the future when I have practice as a doctor.

This is one of my way to have more empathy.
grateful to be me, Alhamdulillah :)

almost one year

Almost one year, I left this blog. Yeah, it doesn't mean that there's nothing to be shared but I just don't have special time to type everything here. Well, it's the time!

Today is 3rd November

hey hey hey.
I just have finished my assignment. It's what we call as Practice Report. Yeah. The report about our last practice. And... it was about chemistry.
Mineral Analysis.
Honestly, my fingers are happy to stop dancing with pen.

Right here. Right Now. I'm taking a rest.
This chemistry report was taking my whole attention because in fact, after the assignments' done, I'm just shocked to see the watch.
Today is 3rd.
yup, today is 3rd November.
This date reminds me about something. Hemm, well it's been a year from my breaking up with him, my ex. I am not going to admit some regret but I just wanna share that from that 3rd November I learn many things.
Many things. Many changes.
This date will never be a regret.
From this date I just learn something new that brought me to be a better me.
That breaking up show me how to express my love to someone appropriately.
Now, I can see what were my failure and my minus side while I'm in a relationship with someone.
and now, I'm attempting to throw away my minus and avoiding the same failure.
Somehow, now, I feel I'm better than I'm a years ago.
much more mature, I think.
Thanks God! That breaking up was just so meaningful.
Yes that is painful at the beginning but it's so useful right now as my experience.

So guys, don't be regret of breaking up. You should know somehow it can make you to be a better you.

That's what we call dilemma

Hey, It has been so long that I didn't post anything here.
Yeah, you know, my college life is just hemm hectic.
Freakin' busy.
yap, all my skill labs, practice session, assignments, everything, those are just really loyally coming in my days. 

Tonight, I just woke up really early then I can touch this blog again.
Well. Enough for the introduction part.
Let's move on to the main topic today.
Dilemma.
It's not a great things to talk about but hemm I just can pretend that it's not disturbing.
I'm confuse. IDK how to make it right because I know it's a false.
I'm in dilemma. And getting angry with myself.
I know I'm not a great liar. I'm just too weak to be a liar.
I won't anyone gets hurt.
And I know it should be erased.

What a randomized post! .___.